You’re not happy and you’re ready to get out. The relationship is not what it used to be and you want to break up. Attraction, love and passion between the two of you has fizzled out like a year-old soda.

It will be painful to end it but it would be worse if you stayed. I know, would it be simple if you just walked in one night and caught your future ex in bed with your best friend?  A scene, some yelling, tears, anger…. A pull on the ejection handle and you’re out. Not easy — just simple. Then again, maybe THAT would hurt even more.

Regardless of the reasons behind your decision you’re getting ready to go through the “we have to talk” ordeal:  “It’s not you, it’s me. I need space. Let’s see other people. Can we stay friends?”

Well, you’re ALMOST ready. You probably still pause and wonder if this really IS good time to go through with . it. Should the two of you give it another chance? What will happen?

Nightmares. Worries. Tears.

The fact is, you’re the one ending the relationship so you will be the “bad guy” no matter how delicately you handle it. It will vary in degree, but there’s usually no way you’re going to walk out of this with getting an enthusiastic high-five and a thank you card. Be prepared to be the recipient of fury, resentment and depression. It’s your unique door prize for playing the role of dumpeur. Be ready to take the heat. Your reasons may be sound, and in time, when your ex finally meets “THE ONE“  and gets married, you’ll be forgiven — a bit. But not NOW. Better get ready.

Mark Radcliffe from Good Men Project will help you out. He’s done the breaking up a few times. Mark’s talking to the guys but his advice is just as helpful for you, ladies, when you’re ready to kick HIM out.

Breaking Up

Honesty is important, but only up to a point. There is a point where you can go too far and do irreparable damage. Of course, there’s no point in completely sugarcoating it either, or else she’ll be left in the dark as to why you’re leaving. You can’t just tell her “I just want something new” if the truth is more like “I don’t feel like you support my dreams and aspirations.”

There are a few exceptions, I think, such as if you’re not really attracted to her (in which case you’re a jerk, since: what were you doing dating her in the first place?), or is if the sex is lousy. Telling a woman she’s bad in bed (and again, the problem might not be her, it might be your inability to communicate what you like, or that you have different approaches to sex) is about the sharpest knife you can plunge into her heart. She might never recover her confidence from it. “We don’t seem sexually compatible” is about as far as you can go with this one, but if you can focus it on the conflict in values and lifestyles, that’s easier to swallow.

Gve her some indication it’s coming. Don’t blindside her when she thinks you’re just going out to see a movie. I made this awful mistake once, thinking it would be easier, and have regretted it every since. It might be easier for you to stay in lala land before you drop the bomb, but it’s cruel to her. Tell her “I think we need to have a talk” at the very least.

The complete breakup article here.

One last thing — break up with respect, dignity and grace. This will give you and your ex a chance to heal, move on and love again.