Been in a long distance relationship for just 10 months. My girlfriend called me last week to break up with me. She does not want to be in any relationship for now, so we should call it qiuts and just be friends. My wounds are still fresh and bleeding because she brought so much joy into my life and i really loved her.

I really didn’t see that coming. I’ve been asking myself, is she telling me the true reason for our breakup? Or is she hiding something?

Lenn

Oh, Lenn, break up is tough as it is… Doing it long distance makes it even tougher.

Here is the thing — it doesn’t matter if she’s telling you the truth or not. The fact is she wants out. Whether it’s because of you, or because she has met somebody else — it does not really matter. She wants out and it sounds like she is afraid to tell you the real reason why. After all, she’s lied to you before.

Maybe it’s you. Maybe she’s met somebody else. Maybe it’s both, or maybe it’s something else all together, like her family pressure, or friends who influence her.

Whatever the reason, she wants out. And it maybe easier for her if she doesn’t tell you the truth because she’s not only protecting you, but also herself and her feelings. For her to admit that she’s met another guy — if that’s the case, can is not only difficult but also painful.

So ask yourself: Do you really want to know? Does it really matter? If yes, give her a chance to tell you the truth, without blame or judgement. Just the truth. And be OK with the truth. Also, be ready to move on with dignity.

There is no reason to stay in a relationship where you’re not loved, admired, respected, and appreciated. How can you build a long-term commitment if there is dishonesty and lies.

But what about hope? How about trying to work things out? What ever happened to ‘second chances’, Borino? After all, there are all those books on relationships, there is counseling…

Yes, occasionally two people can make things work again after a nasty break up. I’ve seen people restore their relationship even after a long-term affair. BUT that is very rare. To piece together a broken relationship requires TONS of dedication, understanding, and patience. And love. Huge amounts of love from BOTH SIDES to make it work. It’s like trying to glue back together a big water jug after it was shattered to hundred pieces.

If BOTH of you are willing to make it work all over again, there is hope. But as they say, one horse can’t pull a two-horse cart if the other horse is dead.

When it’s time to move on…. Move on. Leave with self-respect, dignity and forgivness. And leave with hope that there is a great love, and even a greater relationship waiting out there for you.

Borino