1. ruptured; torn; fractured
2. not functioning properly; out of working order

With an end of a marriage or a relationship it seems as if the EVERYTHING is not functioning properly and it’s ALL out of order.  And your heart definitely feels out of working order. The crazy  relationship roller coaster of love, fight, breakup, cry, make-up, get back together, fight, breakup…. Often you take more than one ride as the cycle continues until one of you just has ENOUGH and pulls the plug for the last time.

And then you get stuck in that weird place. You don’t want to get back together again because after a few bruises on your heart you know that it would just end up the same way it did the last time. BUT you also don’t want to be alone and the idea of entering the singles-pool, hanging out the local meat-market singles bar, posting a profile on match.com — well, sticking a pen all the way up your nose sounds more fun than THAT.

So what’s the best way to end that crazy cycle and finally move on, leaving your ex behind FOR GOOD?

Dr. Gladding

Rebecca Gladding, MD, author of the book “You Are Not Your Brain“, says that getting over your ex does not have to be life-and-death ordeal. “Since your of-the-moment desires are processed in a different part of your brain than your rational mind, you’re likely to act without considering your long-term goals,” Gladding says. She goes on to explain that regardless of what prompted the end of the relationship, a split leaves women with a huge urge to fill the void left behind. And what’s the easiest way to fill that void? Here’s a hint: it starts with E and ends with X.

According to Dr. Gladding it takes a few steps you must take during the first few weeks after the break up that will save your sanity and put you back into the singles saddle with a smile (or at least, without a disgust).

Follow the 30-minute rule.

Sure, in the moment you may think that the reason you’re asking if your ex is free one Friday night is because you genuinely miss them and want to catch up, but chances are you’re either just a) lonely or b) bored, and are turning to your ex since that was the way to always occupy you on date night.

“If you stop and dissect this ‘pull’, you can differentiate true desire from temporary, emotionally-charged desire,” Gladding says. So use the 30-minute rule: When the urge to call/text/drop by hits, do something to shift your focus, like going for a run or catching up on your favorite blog. It’s sounds too simple (and kinda unbelievable), but chances are after a half hour of focusing on something else, you’ll be less inclined to call.

“You’ll see that the urge was only fleeting,” says Gladding, “and that you can stay on track if you give yourself the right things to distract yourself with.”

Read the entire Cosmo article How To Get Over Your Ex here.

If you’re able to handle a few rules and take just a few simple steps after the end of the relationship (or marriage), you will get over your ex faster, move on a lot sooner, and don’t have to spend your Friday nights watching The Notebook and crying your eyes out.