Emotional and physical pain from breakup

Why Break Up Hurts So Much

Why is breakup or a divorce so painful? 

Break up can turn your entire world upside down and send you into a emotional spin fueled by fear, sadness and anxiety. They say to use this time to grow and learn… Hell, that’s easier said than done! While it is true that a breakup can bring some valuable insights and powerful lessons, much of the learning happens in retrospect, after the dust settles.

Why does it hurt so much — even if the relationship that has just ended was doomed for a while and both you have been considering the inevitable?

The Emotional Pain

One of the most significant reasons is your expectations. Remember when the two of you met? All these awesome expectations, beautiful dreams, sweet hope of the happy future together? Even the most banal and simple joys were turned into grandiose love fests because your emotions (and hormones) were in overdrive. Everything looked and felt SO PROMISING. You were IN LOVE and the world around you seemed like a set from The Willy Wonka’s factory.

Emotional pain from divorce or breakup
"Breakup or divorce brings uncertainty about future"

Separation annihilates all those love-ly dreams and delivers a heavy dose of painful, bitter reality. It wipes out all that fun-filled future plans and replaces them with haunting ghosts of the past and scary thoughts of the bleak future.

Breaking-up becomes a frightening ride in an uncharted territory through the dark world of the unknown. Everything in your life seems suddenly broken: the daily rituals, your responsibilities, your home and your house…. The relationships you used to have with the family of your ex, your mutual friends — all just a gaping hole now. There is a big, unpleasant shift in the very core of your identity.

Breaking-ups bring uncertainty about the future. How will life be without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you remain alone? These unknowns often seem worse than your relationship — even if it was an unhappy relationship, it was still A RELATIONSHIP.

The Physical Pain

When you fall in love, the “happy” chemical dopamine and the “trust” chemical oxytocin increase to very high levels. Your system literary goes on a happy chemical binge. You become addicted to these chemical rushes much the same as one can become addicted to drugs such as cocaine, amphetamines, heroin, morphine and oxycontin.

When a relationship ends, the body is in withdrawal from these chemicals. The circuits in the brain that are involved in love and loss are really a motivational system. You are experiencing the same irrational and involuntary brain state as a person deprived of food, water or a drug. Mania and an obsession with regaining what has been lost may set in. The circuits of fear and anxiety are also at full throttle, as oxytocin levels decrease.

Pain of breakupPain is the way the mind responds to trouble inside the body,” says Alex Zautra, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University. “Emotion is the same way. Whether you feel love or sadness is also a response to something you feel outside the body. With pain it is a closer-in response, to something inside the body, but it is a response in an attempt to learn about and motivate recovery.

Psychological research suggests the human brain always loses more than it gains. The joy of entering a new relationship is nothing compared to the pain caused by a breakup or a divorce.

You’re NOT going crazy. You’re kicking a habit — a serious habit. After the breakup, the “happy” chemicals are immediately replaced by stress hormones,including high levels of adrenaline.

Massive amounts of these stress hormones can go right to the heart and produce a stunning of the heart muscle that causes this temporary dysfunction resembling a heart attack. It doesn’t kill the heart muscle like a typical heart attack, but it renders it helpless,” says cardiologist Ilan Wittstein, M.D. in a recent Washington Post article about heartbreak.

That’s where that deep pain comes from. Stress and stress hormones lower your heart’s pumping ability. The reduced pumping causes chest pain, chest muscle contractions and other symptoms similar to heart attack.

Broken heart syndrome
"Broken heart syndrome is not just folklore"

As you see, you’re not loosing your mind. You’re dealing with symptoms of a cocaine addiction and a heart attack.

Accept that pain and disappointment is part of life. Life is not always easy and in spite of many Hollywood movies, love doesn’t always last forever.

However, it is ALL temporary. So find comfort in knowing that what you’re going through is normal and there is a better future ahead — without struggle, pain or sadness.


86 thoughts on “Why Break Up Hurts So Much”

  1. I made it through today at work. Now I’m back at the appartment thinking about our breakup. I just feel so sad, empty and hopeless. I can’t believe it’s over between my bf and me. Like you said, my mind is playing images and memories of our happiest moments we had together. I was excited to be starting a new chapter in my life with him. We were planning to move to Europe for a few years and start a life together. We didn’t even make it a year here together. It feels like physical pain to think I will never see him again and that he is no longer part of my life.

    I know I need to think of the bad parts, the cruelty of his treatment in the break up, his selfishness… The last argument we had. But all I can think about are his arms around me cuddling and being so in love and so happy beyond words. Yes I’m still in love with him. How will I ever heal from this? I am so heartbroken :'(

    1. Hello,

      I know they pain you are going thru. I just found out my wife of 3 years had been cheating on me. To say the least. I was devastated! Crushed!! For a whole month, I was in terrible pain. But one thing that I have realized is that letting go is the best cure for a breakup. No matter what they did to you. I know it’s easier said than done but try it out. Get your BF out of your head and don’t look back. Delete all emails, remove his number from your phone. don’t call him every because each time you look back, you have to start all over again. I still love my wife but can never go back to her. as you stated, you still love your Ex but the only cure is to LET GO. I hope this helps

      Good Luck to you and keep your head up high


      1. Hey mine cheated for three months left with the guy n has the kids I still want my kids I call every night at eight for them we talk n I avoid her but sometimes she likes to but in either pissed off at me or to say I miss u or love u still I’m sorry I made it to were well never be able to get back together I’m sorry I threw 9 years down the drain which makes it hard Cuz it always comes when I’m feeling better n I’ve told her to stop but it will pick back up usually in two weeks same thing n it’s very hard for me to take u kno it suck I am seeing other people n I am happy to be out of a relationship that was toxic like ours but she has dragged me back before Cuz I was jealous last time but I’m trying to stay strong I really believe she just confused n will stay with this guy but I hate that she puts me thru this.

    2. You don’t even stop loving them but your attention will be turned into loving someone ells thus making the pain stop a little bit but not entirely and once you find someone new and with the years passing if you stay together for the rest of your days , then the time should heal your pain, sadness, and emptiness because you found someone that has replaced those unwanted feelings.

    3. Hi, I see you posted that in 2011. How are you now? I’m going through the exact same thing, and all I can think about are the happy times…he treated me terrible in the end and a part of me hates him but I guess I really don’t. I’m still so in love and miss him. One year of my life with him, 8 months of living together and he just stopped loving me and became so mean. Please tell me you got through this, please tell me you came out a better person. I’m so lost, alone, and scared…

      1. your post was like reading a reflection of my life. i swear all the good memories haunt me. and the worst part is thinking of the girl i love so much just dont care

      2. Hi, I do understand the feel broken heart. It is so hurt which nth can be described.
        My ex Bf and I were in love about 2 years and now there is more than 2 years that we have broken up. But still i feel ,hurt and love him so much no matter how bad he did to me. I just keep thinking about our happy time,his words, his encouragement, his care, his smile, his jokes his food made for me and all of his acts of love, and i keep trying to making up our love again and again even he denied many times. now he isn’t the same guy that i loved before but still i wanna be with him no matter how. I really wonder why i can not love other new guy or get over the old one. locking up myself in pain, feeling lost, and feel like m living in this world alone. I become sick and become a less concentration girl most time and bad tempered.
        anybody here used to feel the same as me? could sb help me out from this situation? i really don know wat i have to do next and what i am living for? without him i have no feel to do anythings :(
        it hurts so much.
        (sorry if my writing is not understood since English is not my first language)

        1. Hey, How u r feeling?? The same thing happened to me..my boyfriend of 1 year 6 month broke up with me for some stupid selfish reasons..i was totally shocked to hear them.. i even begged him to stay but he did not listen. I am broken and devastated..i can’t eat, can’t sleep or do anything..all these things are effecting my work..i reach office late and cry in the office bathroom all the time. Everybody says time heals everything..but each day feels like a year to me. I want to call him so badly but somehow i control myself, because he really insulted me badly when he was breaking up with me. i did every possible thing for him. I used to think he was my soul mate and lived in some fantasy land. When i was in relationship, i gave all my time to him and his family.. totally forgot about my family. Right now when i am in huge pain and suffering like hell, only my family is standing beside me and holding me tight. I feel guilty sometimes that just because of him i did not give enough time to my parents. I know when God closes 1 door, he also opens another doors..maybe God wanted me to learn something from this bad relationship. i believe i have become more mature now, i also believe that this worst time will also pass. Everything in this world is so fake and temporary.. Bad things always happen with good people..

      3. Hi Ashbar… was thinking the same thing… did u get a replay from DN (the post from 2011?) I see you post is a year old…how are you doing? I’m going thru the same thing… he just moved out this weekend. The pain is horrible. My head knows its for the best but my heart aches. Hope you get this and please let me know how you are doing now…could use a little inspiration…thx

    4. Breakups just totally suck! I’m at the point of not even falling in love anymore. About 5 years ago, my wife of 16 years was cheating on me and got herself pregnant. I was devastated!! It took me years to get over the heartache I felt.

      I went on with life after a while. I started seeing other women, none really attracted me like my wife did. After a while, I met a woman who I cared for. We went out for a short time, until she told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship. Another painful breakup! After some more time, I was finally getting comfortable being single. I almost didn’t mind being alone. I was lonely though, wanting a “partner in crime” so I decided to try online dating again.

      After talking to a few women, I met one that really came at me…chatting all the time, talking on the phone. It was great and I couldn’t wait to meet her. We met and we spent the night together. We talked about our possible future together….I was in love!! I fell for this woman hard! After a few weeks, things changed. We saw each other only a few times, because we lived 2 hours away from each other but her texts were not as personal and she seemed more stand offish. I was wondering if it was me so I asked her. She told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship but we can still talk. I was heartbroken again!! I kept thinking about her every moment, felt so depressed, angry, so very hurt! She kept apologizing, saying it wasn’t me, it was her.

      It’s now been week 8 and we don’t even text or talk anymore. She totally gave up on me. She wants nothing to do with me. She’s having too much fun as a single woman. I am now going to counseling for a bunch of personal issues, including rejection. I’m trying my best to go on with my life but it hurts. I really thought this woman was the one but I was wrong again. But life goes on….

    5. Hi Dn

      I just wanted to know – did you ever get past these feelings? how do you feel now? It s 6 months since my BF broke up with me and I am still experiencing all the pain you just described and cant think of the bad parts. I just want to know – does it get better?


  2. Dear Robert, you are an asshole for putting me through this much pain. I wish I never met you and our relationship was a complete waste of time!!!!!!!! Moving on…

  3. my gf broke up with me last week with a text msg. You don’t know what pain is until you get a message like that. real classy. My friends all say good riddance but I still don’t know how to get over her. I want to hate her but I can’t. So yes, it hurts. any advice?

    1. Breaking up sucks, Dave… Over the phone, text, email, or in person. There just isn’t a nice, pleasant or easy way to do it. Maybe your ex didn’t have the strength, or the courage to face you and face the consequences, hard to tell. But I assure you it is never easy and just because she didn’t tell you personally doesn’t mean she’s not hurting. Maybe even more because now she has to live with herself and her choices she’s made.

      Look at this this way, Dave: SHE WASN’T THE ONE. Good to know now, rather than five years from now, isn’t it?

      Time to lick your wounds, take a deep breath and brace yourself for some solitude, reflection, and some pain for a while… You’ll find plenty of advice and tips on the site on how to deal with the breakup and what to do to make the transition into being single quick and as pain-free as it can be.

      Soon you’ll live, laugh and love again.

      1. Thanks so I guess I just got to move oon.What hurts is I put my heart in a women who is still married and I move in with her to help safe her husbands house so dose’t loose it. Now I got to move out. Thats proberly best.thanks robert

  4. Just got dumped yesterday. I was perfectly happy with him and thought he was too. I even thought we would stay together for a long time. Out of nowhere, he wants to break up and told me he has been feeling like he doesn;t want to be with me for a while. This is the worst time of my life right now. I can’t do homework, I can’t hang out with friends, all I want to do is hold him but he doesn’t want me. How do you deal with something like that?

    1. You can’t Sheila. There is no way to ‘deal’ with it right now. There is too much pain and sorrow when a relationship ends.

      Just feel whatever you feel because there is no way to stop the flow of all the emotions and thoughts at the moment. Let all that sorrow, sadness, anger, hurt, regret, confusion and love out. Have a pity party, get a glass of wine, watch Pretty Woman, get a pillow and punch the crap out of it…. Yell out all the injustices, wrong doings, and pains of this world. And cry. Cry it all out.

      Don’t look for solutions or fixes yet…. Just relief. Feel better first. Then and only then, take a deep breath, pick yourself up with help from all those great people around you, and move on.

      1. Words are so powerful… the way you can motivate somebody like that through text. You have a talent, you know? It’s a true gift. I’m happy you’re using it in such a humble way… stay doing what you’re doing. Your words have helped me through countless tough times in my life, when I thought the world was ending. You’ve literally saved me from suicide before. I hope you’re happy knowing the amount of lives you could’ve saved.

        God bless you.


      2. I am afraid that if I allow myself to cry, I will not be able to stop…I fear following that first tear and falling to the floor…I know I have to dust off my ball gown, right my tiara and just get on with it…still I feel so very alone

  5. my gf told me dat she is attracted to sumone after 6 year relationship.She said she did dat because i didnt take the stand for marriage for her,she knew that in a week or two i was about to do that …but she did what she wants,she treats me like nothing today,i am in pain from the last 30 days,i m so lost that i am nt able to express it….i feel so bad that how a special 1 can do something like that….

  6. My bf of two years broke up with me ten days ago. I am 26, he is 33, and he is terrified of commitment. I was on a holiday with a girlfriend which I had been planning for over 2 years, it was meant to be the trip of a lifetime, but on day 2 he dumped me by text, saying he has strong feelings for me but he’s freaked out and doesn’t know if we have a future together. I feel as if I’ve been hit right in the chest, I’m heartbroken, but I don’t know why as he often made me sad and feel insecure. He was a very selfish person, but he didn’t realise, and it just makes me wish I could be back with him, but I don’t know why. I loved doing things for him, surprises, baking, cooking, giving him gits, but now I just feel lost and super hurt. I know at my age I should be fine, but I just can’t pick myself back up. I was at a bar for a friend’s birthday last night and a random guy came on to me and I was terrified, I couldn’t get away fast enough. I’ve had breakups before but not like this, does it ever get easier?! Will I ever be able to talk to another male again?!

  7. I’m two months post breakup from a man with whom i was going to marry ……We were together 18mths . I’ve had no contact but cannot get out of the depression I’m in …. he was best friends with his ex and the level of contact (almost daily – no kids ) they had was starting to make me feel like I was going insane. They broke up ten years ago but had remained so entrenched in each others lives I felt like I was the other woman …….She clearly did’nt like me and I assume she thought I would ‘take’ her best friend away. Her partner is fine with their freindship but I couldn’t accept it ……..They would txt/chat/see each other behind my back and my ex even did jobs round her house right up until we broke up. I know that ultimately it could never had worked but I cannot move on , no matter how hard I try …….. Please anyone who can advise I would be so grateful ……. I’m beginning to think that I’m the one with the problem in not being able to have embraced her …. It was the only issue we ever rowed about ….

    1. I read your story and it is exactly like mine. Since you left this comment in November 2012 I would like to know if you are in a good place now. Did thing work out for you? My three year relationship ended a month ago because of his ex-family being so involved in his life…it’s not comfortable to me. Everything else was perfect. I am in extreme pain and depression. I can’t wait until I feel happy inside again.

      1. Hello Sherri,

        I Was reading your story and something similar happend to me . I was in a 4 year relationship and everytime we had a argument his mom and sister would always would get involed maybe because we had a baby together and they wanted for us to work things out, but then I realized that he was still a mommys boy.. LOOK i know it’s hard and you are trying to not think about all the pain your ging thru,PAIN will not last forever so try to get distracted in any type of activity or working out that will deft help.. Keep your thouhts positive and never look back .. I wish you the best and remember a GOOD BYE MEANS A NEW HELLO SOMEWHERE ELSE.. Keep in touch..

  8. My GF left me a week ago, it has been difficult, but I have decided this time to take a different approach, regardless of what people say and the cliches like “it happens to us all” and “you’ll be better off in the end”, it doesn’t help, there is no way of of ridding yourself of the intense and often terrible emotions, that demote you to a miserable pit of self-pity and worthlessness, so instead I shall embrace these emotions, I shall learn them, learn how they make me feel. There is no getting away from it and bottling it up will only prolong the agony. Nil contact is also a MUST, no good will come from being an undignified emotional mess, and keeping self respect and control, has, so far, worked well. Acceptance of the outcome, and truly believing it’s over has also helped, I’ve sat in my house, telling myself that I have made the conscious decision to break up with her in my mind regardless of future developments. We all have to remember that those who have been dumped have only lost control for the amount of time it take your ex partner to say “I don’t want to be with you” or “I think we should split” etc, from that point on we are in full control, and being in control and staying in control will be key in your and my recovery. We can’t change the past and it has no place in our future. I’ve been knocked down before and I shall pick myself up, dust myself off and live and love again, a better person than I was before. In summery I think a break up can be a massive strain on the body, but the positives we gain mold us into the people we are, we learn, adapt and put in practice the lessons we experience. Stay strong people.

    It’s only after you have lost everything that you are free to find out what you were missing

  9. i had been going out with my girlfriend for 3 years and 2 months…and on saturday she decieded not to stay at my place… i couldnt understand why…untill the following monday ( today) In which i found out that she had cheated on me and fucked another bloke without a condom, whist sending nude pictures to him!! … hes 19 shes 16!!!! What could of i possibly done wrong to deserve this…it completely wasted 3 years…. I was always kind and treating her perfectly.. litrlly i didnt even talk to girls or have girl mates… why did she stab me in the back and in the heart like that it hurts so bad… i cant eat or sleep and all i get is pain every day… it doesnt help the fact i have bad amsonia… in which case keeps my mind active and constantly thinking about it please help me im so depressed its unreal :'(

    1. Dude, there are alot of girls in the world that deserves you..If your ex is a bitch, think of that way, think that knowing now that she was cheating on you is better than knowing later! Go out, have fun and your girl is waiting you somewhere somehow in this big world :) so don’t waste your time and make your hear ache because of a slut..Live it happily and God will compensate you with a better one ;)

    2. I will say one thing regardless of what happened in the end you didnt “waste” 3 years of your life.
      You would have happy memories and sad memories but these will not be a waste.
      You felt happiness love and hurt and pain these will not be wasted.
      For if you think it was a waste of 3 years then you were not completly into the relationship.
      This “wasted” 3 years will teach you lessons and i hope you learn from them they may be as simple as
      Knowing some signs of things are wrong to more complex lessons like how to live after a broken heart.

  10. being alone is certainly no fun at all for me, especially after being married for 15 years and having my wife cheated on me. i was a very loving and caring husband that was very committed to her too, knowing what i had at home and didn’t have to go out looking for it anymore. for many people that enjoy being alone, much more power to you. i hate going out all the time and i can’t seem to meet a good woman for me anymore, and since women have changed over the years it has certainly made it difficult meeting a good one now. i can’t blame myself at all, because i did not do anything wrong on my part. i just want very much to meet a good one to share my life with, instead of being alone all the time. i feel as if God is punishing me, and he doesn’t want me to have a love life again. i always wondered why would God give many other people the luck to find love and happiness and not me, and i am certainly no different than they are.

    1. I know exactly what you are going through, My relationship of 15 years has come to an end. He has left me before and always came back. I always took him back. He is now leaving me again for another woman and I feel as if I am so replaceable, that I am just the girl people are with until they find “the one”. I wasted 15 years of my life, and I agree with you, I don’t like to go out all the time, and want a good home, my dogs, and hopefully someone to share it with someday but right now, I don’t think I would be good for anyone with a heart that is still recuperating. I am looking forward to moving forward, but I am also so very scared. I wish I could give you my email address so we could talk. I definitely need some support through this time. I made him my father/lover/brother/best friend, so him leaving me is my entire support system leaving me and abandoning me. It hurts. I know how much it hurts, believe me.

      1. I had to end mine after 15 yrs, for the sake of my sons and my sanity, alcohol is a killer I’m more ways than one, the pain and feat anxiety is exactly the same when you have to give up on the person you so deeply love and your dreams go too? I feel completely lost?,, ps he took all the help I could give and obviously loved the drink more than he loved me, hope we all recover from this, please reply xxxxx-

  11. My girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years, during the relationship I had doubts she always talked about getting married and I always said no she was so shore we were meant for each other, I went on holiday for 2 weeks she didn’t talk to me much through the holiday I started getting worried about our relationship and in that I realised maybe I could marry this girl maybe she is the one for me I know as soon as she stops showing affection towards me I fall deeper in love (I always want what I can’t have) anyway I get back we brake up bla bla bal I guess the thing in my minds is she was so shore we were going to be together forever then suddenly she changes her mind and that’s what worries me how suddenly things can change. Anyway it’s been about 3 weeks now and I’m still sad I’m trying to get on with my life but it’s hard because of the 3 year relationship I don’t have many friends I’m doing things like piano lessons and exercising I have some good days but there not days than good that I think what’s the point I still talk to my x we planed a trip to Europe but now have to sort out what happens there but from talking to her I get the impression she has already moved on got new friends I just don’t want to be stuck in this state of mind I want to move on and things to get better

  12. Well my story is this. I met my GF 2 years ago and we started dating. Her mother did not alow it so we didnt see much of each other but pushed and we overcame all out obsicals. Last year February she started acting weird and pushing me away. I later found out a month later that she has had sex with her ex 2 months into our relationship and a week later i found out she is is in a relationship with another guy. I forgave her for this and we worked on the relationship for 9 months. This year in february she started a new job and suddenly pushed me away again, always talking about her boss, acting suspicious and lieing alot, she gave me no affection, none of her time and lost interest in seeing me. I eneded the relationship. a week later she shows up at my house, beggin me back, so i tried again… BOY WAS I DUMB! I gave everything again for four weeks. in this time she only made an effort to see me twice and only for an hour each time…. So i broke it off again a week ago telling her that “It seems that you want to be free of me and i will let you go if thats what you need” her reply was “I dont know what to say cuase im scared of loosing you forever” then added as i drove off “Keep your ring finger open for me”

    Im broke all contact, removed everything that is a trigger and so on.. My only problem is that her words were like traps forcing me to now want to move on! Is this what she wants? I thaught it might be considdering the guy i suspect she was cheating on the past 5 months is married with a kid…

    (Plus i found out that her past is full of 3 somes, four -somes and about 30 guys from the age 13.. This is not the girl i know? HURTING!!!

    I am torn in two as i love her enough to wait, but im hurt by her enough to want out., Im 26 and i am quite stable and strong! I know i deserve better and i know i tried my best. The only thing i did wrong in the relationship was that i ended up fighting with her every time she lies and pushes me away..

    Im a hopeless romantic but somehow in this situation the saying “if you love something set it free, if its meant to be it will come back” makes me think it should be “Im going to party my ass off and date / see other guys, but i wanna marry you” ???? any suggestions

  13. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 10 months now, we always had such good times and she always told me the most amazing things like how she has never loved anyone like she loved me and that it was so different and she culd never lose me! That past couple months tho we started having fights over stupid things, and as time went on they started toprogress and out of anger I kept breaking up with her, not really thinking of wut I was doing, but either that same day or night or the next day I wuld wake up feeling better and see how sad and hurt she was and how much she still loved me so we wuld always keep going on from there, of all the chances I’ve ever given her before tho, I broke up with her again the other day, and this time wen I got over my anger and tried to show her Iwant her back, she doesn’t really seem to want to get back again!! She’s said she feels undecided whether or not she wants to try and fix things again this time, and I’ve spent the last couple days acting really needy and crying and walking across town to wns to see her and try and make her remember the good times, because everytime I broke up, she wuld feel the same way I feel now so I thought lmaking her remember the goodtimes wuld help get her back, but she said she needs space, and wants to take a break, but doesn’t kno where things will go from there!! I’ve felt like she just wants to leave me completely tho and the break is going to be worthless and not bring her back to me, my heart.has been so broken recently and I want to give her space and hope she comes back, but I feel like if I don’t keep trying to remind her of the good times that she will grow apart from me during the break! I just can’t believe of all the feeling she had for me before and times that she wuldnt let me even mention a break or breaking up as an option and I wuld take her back, and now I’m stuck with her wanting space and nuthing I can do to change her mind about it!!! My heart is broken and soo scared to never see her again and see her find new love, Ihave the sickest feeling in the pit of my stomach!! Please help!!!

  14. I am going through the pain of separation. I was with my bf for several months until the inevitable happened. He had to go back to his home country. I could not, nor he, with both of us young, do a long distance global relationship. In the end, after numerous discussions, we decided to break up, because separating ourselves was what we both needed. He cares for me deeply, as I for him. Neither parties wanted things to end, but they had to. My heart wants to be with him and that is what makes everything so difficult. I care for him so deeply and having to let go of him has been the most depressing, difficult experience of my life.

    I feel like I am floating around in my own body, not even sensing the things around me. I feel like a part of me is gone and I can never get it back. I miss him. I will have to move forward. It is hard making an adjustment from a once lover, to a close friend. I am angry at this situation, time, and I feel that distance is keeping everything appart. I am sad, angry and everything in between. I just want him back and holding me in his arms.

  15. Broke up with my boyfriend after 11 years . Yes, 11 years!!! I am 45 and he is 60. I loved him so much but deep down i knew he was a big bully and that he was manipulating me all the time. Being with him for 11 years was just like walkig on eggshells. At the end i could not take it any more because the more i was giving, the more he was expecting. I lost all my self esteem, self confidence,…. I was left drained. I am so depressed now. Cant eat, cant go to work, all the time tired with body aches. Please pray for me to make it to the end

    1. I 100%feel your pain .i was in a relationship eith my ex for 11 years..i gave my all taking care of this man,i got nuthin.in return he was also a bully and manipulator.he stayed mad at me thru out the years of us being togetha for no reason he was more bitch.than i ever could b,so stuid me use to bow down to this,man i wouldve got pn my knees n begged him for forgivness for things i never done..i can go on forever.i had to pay all the bills while he played the game n computer all day.i even had to hop my pretty ass in bed with other men to pay my bills n make sure he was happy so he didnt fuss n get mad at ñe..yes mam i was a very stupid gyrl.but now im a full pledhed grown women i got the strenght n courage from god n i left.its ben 4 months im very sad n depress sometimes but i no i made the right choice,because god reminds me all the time..;) so thank u n i hope u get thru this with honors

    2. Hello Nelly,

      I am so sorry to heard that. but Cmon girl your still young 45 years man you still have whole life ahead of you.. you should of left him along time ago.. really his 60 man his already going down hill.. your still in your Prime.. yes 10 years it’s along time to be with someone, but if we know the way the relationship is I just dont understand by we can’t leave with our eyes close.. maybe cause were afraid of being alone and start all over again. I dont know, but one thing that I do know if that we only live once and were going to fall more then once and you will have to find the way out to get up again and keep walking.. Dont give up and dont look back .. keep focusing in the future and I will be praying for you.. Good luck..

    3. Nelly,

      Even though I have posted my own broken heart, I promise it will get better…the fact that you realize that he was bullying and manipulating you is a HUGE step…please keep your head up (I know it is easier said than done, I cannot throw stones)…I do know that the fact that you can love so deep (and unfortunately feel pain equally as deep) makes you an amazing and beautiful person…in a world of superficial instant gratification, you are truly a treasure, all of the wonderful gifts that you brought to the relationship are uniquely yours to keep, he will never find that again…when your heart allows, read a romantic novel, watch a classic movie and allow yourself to feel that excitement and joy, love will return…in the mean time, breathe and know you are not ever alone…sometimes we trip over our ball gowns, our crown is a might bit heavy but we (you) are always beautiful…

  16. I think this guy Borino is truly an angel. Has some kind of otherworldly way of speaking and wisdom. God bless you.

  17. I was with a girl for almost three months. in those three months i found someone i had a connection with, someone who liked the same movies i did, the same music. I found someone who played guitar like i do and everything was so perfect, so bliss. Our time together was a movie, we danced together in a park to frank sinatra under a lampost…but her parents won’t let me date her because i’m going to college and she’s a junior. I’m not going away to college, but because their other daughter was hurt by a guy in college, now I have to hurt. I was going to write a movie out of this, get in shape, use it as motivation but i find i’m still talking to her and i’m still hurting. i couldn’t eat or sleep at first, it got better, but now a month later the pain has resurfaced and i find little motivation to do much of anything.

  18. i been with my gf for 9 years i suspect she was addicted to pain pills not a 100 certent i asked her to take a drug test from Walmart she got extremely upset and called it off now im thinking should i have kept my thoughts to myself maybe i shouldnt said nothing 9 years of my life gone down the toilet it hurts man hopefully i can get through it

  19. Old thread but i didnt really know what to do and came across it on google. My girlfriend bit of an on and off relationship of 7 years ended the relationship for good, after talking finally agreeing to do things properly and commit to the relationship 100% just on the weekend because we loved each other. Im so hurt, angry, frustrated, sad and a bunch of other emotions im not sure how to process or what to do. Even though the relationship wasn’t perfect i do and have always cared about this girl more than anything and always seen myself marrying her having a family n all that good stuff. Now its like fukk its actually over, all them years, that future and my girl. I keep calling and sending msg trying to talk to her and just get through this and constantly getting ignored, i feel like such a little bitch! i hate how im dealing with things. and the feelings i have, I just hope that one day ill get over her and be happy again, but i couldn’t ever imagine caring for another girl or putting in effort with someone alse!.

  20. I’m in heartbreak hell right now, my boyfrirnd has messed me around for a few months and he’d said he’d be intouch to talk things through but that was over a week ago and he’s not and I have to accept its over and the fact he doesn’t gAve the respect for me to follow through with what he has said hurts so much . I’ve been through a divorce but nothing has hurt like this I’m really struggling, I really belt iced I’d net the one with him he told he everything is been longing to hear moved in and life was amazing it turned wrong in less than a month my heart feels so heavy my head hurts when will this ever pass, I miss him so much I feel totally lost and lonely without him, life felt right with him like I’d found the other half of me, clearly it wasnt right but when, when will this pain end :-(

  21. well after being married for 15 years and having my wife that cheated, it is really very hard meeting another woman for me again after the divorce. and with so many very mean women out there these days, certainly doesn’t help at all.

  22. just had a breakup,now searching thorugh web to see what others have felt,i have lost apetite,the reason for breakup is i didn’t trust her anymore,anytime i used to call her the phone was busy and the reasons she gave were absurd,i asked if shes cheating on me and she said that she don’t feel like loving me anymore,there is no feelings in her like before she used to have and she feels like doing nothing but her studies,i know shes selfish from our 2 year relationship and i know shes not gonna come back to my life again,our relationship was distance relationship and i knew that it will end if she doesnt give support and its over now,just a mins ago i wrote this,its horrible pain,even we had a breakup before 6 months ago for straight 6 months but she called me up that she cant take it anymore and hence i accepted her,now coming to know that it was a very wrong decision coz i had recovered that first horrible scary breakup but again! uff

    1. sometimes wrong decisions r taken,this time it was taken nt by u,bt by me,sometimes mind plays tricks with us,the main thing is to overcome it as soon as possible,im sorry baby,but i was never selfish,always loved u,will always love u,some learns frm mistakes,i learnt too and trust me in a very hard way,i’ll never let u feel sad any more,love u always

    1. Yes, it will… BUT you have to actively move on, not just wait and hope. Get behind the wheel, make the turn and go! Life is too short (and can be awesome) to be wasted in pain and struggle.

      What’s done is done. Time to start again. Start with YOU. Your body, your mind, your health, your career – start moving towards what you want, WHO you want in your life, and WHO you want to become. Daily. Is it work? Yes. Easy? Hell no. But absolutely worth it.

  23. I was best friends with a guy for 11 years and we dated for 7 years, he meant everything to me and he supported through everything, and then he broke up with me and he’s ignoring me and I thought we would get married eventually but now I can’t see him or communicate with him in anyway, I just miss him so much, it’s been 3 years and after meeting someone as perfect as him I just can’t imagine liking anyone else that way ever again, let alone date someone. I still cry myself to sleep and without him I feel incomplete and my whole life’s changed and my personality, it still hurts so much, and I don’t know what to do anymore, whenever I was depressed he would support me but now that he’s not there to help me anymore I feel so lost and I miss him so much
    I’ve tried suicide and cutting before but now I’m much better

  24. I read the article . I know all the facts mentioned above. I know it is a normal feeling n I know that everyone feels this pain at least once throughout life. But i think it is still useless. Though i know all the facts , im still suffering for 3 months ! 3 months being apart after our break up, regardless how cold he’d become in the last month. Now i remember both his dark side n light side n i just say why? Why did all of these things happened exactly a month after he promised me to stay with me…. His words was really persuading. Made me love him even more . Trust him more. Made me calm n…. All i remember is his arms around me n then it changes to a selfish monster that said , ” I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE, DEAD OR ALIVE . U HAVE NO CHOICE, JUST GO ! N DEAL WITH IT YOURSELF… ” . Even aftr that, three weeks later that we hadnt been in touch at alll… He called me but there was someone else on phone n said whatever harsh words n BS to me…. He ruined my dignity n left nothing , no proud , no self-confidence for me…. I don know how to describe how i feel . I cant forget the happy moments we had together . I just dont want to believe that he is a great liar n a great hearbreaker. The man i used to think is so high in emotion n won’t break my hear n will keep his words for whatever promises …. Is now a selfish emotionless that doesnt even care about me being alive or dead . He’s having his normal life. Im sure even alot more happier but look at me? Im still suffering….
    What the hell i should do?

  25. I am 15 and my hubby jus turned 18. I love him alot. With all my heart. But its a long distance relationship. Like 4 hrs away. I never see him and we’ve been growing apart lately. If i lose him ima like die. I jus cry every nnigt we dont talk. I dont know what to do thou. Im confused. I love him but he acts like he ants to break up. Help someone??

    1. Hey Scarlett,
      As the old saying goes “this too shall pass”. Being so far away from each other makes things very very difficult. Not impossible, just impractical. I know – you feel like he is your world right now, and I think that’s the problem. You’ve become so attached to your partner you have forgotten yourself. It’s time to find out who YOU are. Focus on YOU. What you like to do, read, listen to, study, do… Because putting your happiness into the hands of someone else never works – not long term. You become clingy and needy and forget yourself in such uneven relationship.

      Take a break from it all. Focus on you: join a gym, study, read, expand your circle of friends, learn something new and cool, visit interesting places… Make YOUR life interesting regardless of your love interest. Live… And let the rest take care of itself.

    2. He would surely love you. Just spend time with him and show him how much you love him. Are you two separated by 4 hours of driving? That’s not very far apart.
      I have a long distant relationship too.

  26. So, I’ve been reading all these comments. It’s crazy how much we let ONE person, just ONE person make us this miserable.

    I’ve been with this guy for almost 4 years. We broke up last year on christmas morning. Within these 10 months… I still can’t be able to find peace and move on. He refuses to leave me alone even though he now has a new girlfriend. I’m always angry and frustrated and I can’t seem to stop crying. It’s god awful man. And I would just like to know why he refuses to let me go. Like.. I cannot wrap my mind around this. I ignore his calls, I hang up on him, my text messages are even more foul…but he still wouldn’t let me go. He recently proposed the idea of us being friends. But how can you be friends with someone you’re in love with? How can you move on and heal knowing that the only person you have ever loved is just your friend?. Sometimes I feel as though he just wants to keep a leash on me you know. Like a little accessory he can fuck around whenever he feels like. But I still love him… I have NO hopes of ever rekindling our relationship, we just can’t get it back. It’s over. He’s turned into this person I don’t know and don’t wanna know either.

    But whyyyyyy won’t he leave me alone?
    I’m so sick of being miserable. Sometimes I would feel like you know what, he’s finally giving me peace and he’s gonna leave me alone now. Then like two weeks later he pops up trying to act like nothing’s changed. What is this? I mean… 10 months later. 10 monthsss.

    Sigh. Life is funny like that though. I’m just not happy with how stuff has turned out.

    1. Hi Danielle M
      My heart goes out to you as I am in exactly the same situation

      I split with my girlfriend two months ago and she is still plaguing me with texts and email messages, I’m trying so hard to move on but every time it happens its like you move two steps forward and one back and really slows up the progress of healing.

      She is seeing her somebody now but is still texting for the most innocuous things and when I have asked her to stop she claims it’s all my fault and I should be allowing her to let off steam at me to get it out of her system. Like you I am angry and frustrated all the time, part of me still loves her even though she has been unfaithful and vile for great parts of the 2 years we have been together

      Sometimes I am not sure if some people don’t want you but don’t want anybody else to have you either.
      You are not alone with this problem anyhow and hopefully things will get better for both of us.
      Please post again and let me know how things are panning out and likewise I will do myself.

    2. i get that feeling aswell because whenever i see my ex boyfriend its the same hes completely changed since we went out in high school omg and this other girl i proper hate is always with him omg she makes me well mad !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. omg i knw that feeling me and my boyfriend were going fine when we went out and then it was my fault we broke up and nw when ever i see him my heart beats and my heart hurts because he is with someone else like talking to her all of the time rather than me his ex girlfriend and i still love him but i dont knw if he still loves me just like i love him ,.

    the girl who he talks to is someone who has a boyfriend but proper annoys me when him and her are talking .,

  28. I am so glad I found this website, I can relate to so many of you. I was in an on again-off again relationship with a woman for 5 years and she is 3 years older than myself. Things haven’t always been smooth but in the past 4 months we made a commitment to each other. She bought a house, we talked about marriage and rings. I got very close to her two children and loved them as if they were my own. We were like a happy family when we were together. Two days after I help her move into the new house, a co-worker comes to me and shows me on his phone that my girlfriend as a profile on an online dating site. I look at it and then I call her, she does not pick up. I then text her asking her to talk to me and the reply I got was “I can’t”. I then say call me back as soon as possible. She then says I am acting weird. I texted her back and told her what my co-worker found and she got very defensive, told me I didn’t trust her and I was a loser.

    I text her 3 days later asking if she would talk and she said she had no interest in talking to me. A few days later she texts me and bashes me that she could not believe I did not trust her after 5 years. I ask her to call me to discuss which she did and she continues to bash me and I tried to work things out with her. She did calm down but did not seem interested in working things out. The next day I hear from her and it seems better so I ask if her and kids would like to come over for a grill out and she replies that they have plans for the weekend.

    A few days later I text her if we could make things right and she says she doesn’t know. I ask if we could talk and she says she has somebody over and can’t. I ask if she met someone new and she said yes and they met at work. She told me that they met 6 months earlier and that he knew her kids and he understood her and our relationship. Of course my emotions are all over the place and I say some things like how could she move so fast and a few other things I regret. It was not my finest hour. I kept asking why and got no response. Its like she set me up to catch her online (she knew a co-worker or mine was on that website) so I would dump her so she could go to the new guy. She did tell me that they started dating 3 days after I found the online profile. I feel like she left me for dead, with no regard for my feelings. I loved her more than any other woman and would have done anything for her and to make it worse I miss the kids. She was my best friend and she was there when I had several deaths in my family and now just like that I meant nothing to her it seems. I have not slept or ate much in the past few days since I found out about the new guy. Its like she has no remorse. I am just lost. I know it was long and thank you for reading this. Where do I go from here?

  29. Today, my boyfriend broke up with me but it does hurt well at first i didn’t like him because he hurt me i hated him so because first he ask this girl name maria out when i was still with him and i was so mad so i broke up with him and then after like a month or so he started talking to me and i started talking to him and he said that he still liked me and i thought fine i’ll play him back for what he did to me so me and him got together and long story short i started liking him and so yeah he broke up with me today and it hurts me alot????>>>>….. what do i do????

  30. Last weekend my girlfriend of 4 years didn’t answer my calls for 3 hours. I waited till 5:30 AM untill i decided to check if her car was parked home and it wasn’t. I worried she got into an accident so i called her nonstop for an hour. I decided to track her phone using google and found out she was somewhere she normally wouldnt be. At 6:30AM she texted me that she was home the entire time and i woke her up by calling. I drove back to her house and saw her car was parked now. So she lied. after I pressured her for hours on the phone she finally told me that she had sex with another guy. And she didn’t know how or why it happened. I am broken. I hoped she just kissed him and was covering it up. But she gave her body to someone else. Love hurts.

  31. I totally understand where all of you are coming from. My boyfriend of a year and a half told me, on the night we usually make dinner together, that his feelings for me have changed and he doesn’t feel romantic towards me. We had been having tension for days, but I just thought it was a rough patch. He said he wishes sometimes I was a little more aggressive, and although I love him, he “thinks he loves me sometimes” ouch. When I went to storm out, he stopped me and asked why am I just storming out, we aren’t done talking yet. He was crying. We sat back down and he asked me what I honestly wanted. I told him I wanted to work out our problems and stay together, but only if he wanted to. Otherwise I want to split up. He asked me for some time to give him a break and assess what he wanted, and he asked for 1 week. I am now stuck here until he calls me in 5 days, heartbroken, sick to my stomach, I can’t sleep, can’t eat, lump in my throat, and a weight on my chest.

  32. My girlfriend of 3 years, told me (a month before I was going to buy an engagement ring for her) that she doesn’t feel the same about me. We’ve been living together fir 2 years btw. The first time I’ve lived with someone other than my mother. She says she doesn’t know what happened to make her feel this way. I think one reason is that she has been going out with friends much more often than she used to, and I never really wanted to go out, at least not to bars. This is a stage I go through often. I noticed that when she would go out there would be hanging with her 1 single friend and a few guys that knew her friend . I’m not a jealous guy, but she never mentioned these guys. She used to make a fuss about me going out with freinds while other girls were around. I brought thus to her attention and she didn’t try justify it or argue in anyway. Her only response was “you’re right”. So after she told me she didn’t feel the same, I left. I told her it was fair to me to hang around while she makes up her mind. A few days later we sat down and talked. I told her that thus usnt what I want and I wanna be with her. I also told her what I was willing to do to make it work. I just wanted leave it all on the table. After the talk, hugged me while crying and told me she is just confused, and needs time, but I feel like since we’ve been apart all she is doing Is going out and enjoying life.

  33. Me and my ex boyfriend broke up 2 months ago. He cheated on me with some girl.. She didn’t even know about me till I wrote her one day and was like Me and him were together for a year and he has been seeing you while he was dating me. She never wrote back and she posted a status saying I was a crazy whore and just jealous, I am far from that I could care less because I know he is going to do the same to her like he did me. When we first started dating he was on and off with this girl for a year and I didn’t even know about her till she wrote me one day trying to warn me about him and that he cheats a lot. I didn’t listen to her like this girl now isn’t listening to me. A lot of people was trying to warn me even my own brother was trying to warn me. He was trying to tell him that he is a girl user and that he doesn’t care who he hurts. But I didn’t believe him I was so happy with my ex that no one didn’t matter I just thought everyone was trying to get me to leave him so I won’t be happy but that’s far from it. I was with him for a year I had feelings he was cheating he wouldn’t leave his phone around me. One day over the summer I was at his house and he went to work that morning I got on his computer and his FB was still logged in and I was asking myself should I go threw his messages or should I just log out of it, But a side of me said to check it because I had a feeling he was writing girls I went threw his messages and he was writing all kinds of girls saying do you wanna come over? And that they should talk. All kinds of stuff.. I was going to leave him and I told him that I wasn’t going to take that. But he pulled me back him and he was like I don’t want you to go I’m sorry I’ll stop what I’m doing I just have a problem he said. I looked at him and I just frozed because he said he had a problem? But I toke him back anyways hoping it would change. But few months later I started having feelings he was cheating again. And come to find out he was with that girl I was talking about in the beginning, She has no clue what she is getting herself into.. She thinks he is some kind of amazing good guy but he isn’t he will just do the same to her. And I already know he is talking to more girls besides her because he has been trying to write my friends and they tell me and then other girls tell me so I’m like yeah that girl doesn’t even know and I tried to warn her. I feel so bad for her but she won’t listen and I’m just going to let her learn the hard way because I had to learn the hard way like the other girl was trying to tell me. I am still going threw a broken heart and I am getting better. But I feel more hurt and anger towards him right now. I know he will come running back in like a few months when he gets tired of that girl he cheated on me with. When he does I’m going to give him shit. I haven’t talked to him in like 2 months and haven’t wanted too. It wouldn’t be the same if we got back together and I don’t see him being faithful to any girl. He wasn’t faithful to any of his pass girlfriends and not even me I did a lot for him cooked, cleaned, ETC. But he didn’t even tell him he was seeing someone else when we broke up he was like no their is no one else. Then a week or two later that girl posted on his wall and was saying how much fun she was having with him the day we broke up. Because I was going to go see him that day and surprise him but I texted him and was like I’m going to come over and spend the day with you. Then he texted back right away and was like NO! DON’T COME I WANT THIS TO BE OVER I’M NOT HAPPY ANYMORE. But I felt that coming because a few days before that he wasn’t even texting me at all. Like I heard nothing from him then when I said I was coming over he freaked out. It was only because that girl was with him. I bet you he was going to stay with me still if I didn’t say anything to him. I’m glad I did say I was coming over though because he would have still been cheating and I wouldn’t even know. But over all that’s my story and I’m just getting threw it day by day and it does hurt to think about him and wake up knowing he did this and doesn’t even care. I feel sorry for that new girl because he is talking to a whole bunch of girls.. And she doesn’t even realize.. But it will hit her in the ass when she see the real him then she is going to come back and say I was right.. Just like I did to the girl that was trying to warn me about him. But everyone heart breaks are hard to get over and it does feel like you can’t go on and nothing makes you happy anymore. But it’s only because we put so much time into our partner and we thought everything revolved around them. But god is telling us they wasn’t the one and I’m so glad god got me out of this relationship and I know he will get my ex back with karma. I am grateful I have a chance to live my life and find someone better. I’m only 18 so I still have a lot of time to find a guy for me.. Lesson learned!

  34. My gf only of two months broke up with me because she told me that I was jealous of her being around other guys and that I hugged and kissed her to much. Now I’m broken, I can’t eat or sleep and my anxiety is always present. My chest actually hurts and it’s hard for me to breath. Not only does she still hang out in my friendship circle I have to deal with being around her at every get together. I can’t take it anymore. I just want the pain to go away.

  35. My husband has decided to divorce me. We love eachother but it doesn’t work the way it is now, mainly because of my illness (psychological). I love him so much and it hurts so bad. We have 3 beautiful children together. I grew up with him, grew together with him, as we had been married since I was 16 (I’m 23 now). I don’t know how to move on. I don’t want anyone else. I know that even when I get over the worst part, I will still love him; he is my first love and the father of my children. How can anyone replace that, or even come close to it? I regret all the things I did to him which ultimately destroyed our relationship. I am afraid that one day, he will remarry, and he will want to be with her for eternity, then, my chances of getting back with him (even in heaven) will be zero. All happy memories are flashing by in a movie-like sequence inside my head. It feels so unreal… I don’t know what to do with myself, this pain is eating me up.

  36. My EX-boyfriend left me for a model. I suddenly felt ugly and fat. I have not eaten much in the past two weeks. The weight lost is helping me boost my self-confidence. I have lost my focus in daily routine; crossed the road several times without looking at the traffic; had Eczema caused by stress. I have been crying everyday for almost two months. But now, I am slowly recovering from the pain. Break up hurts. I am focusing on myself, its hard but I hope time will heal this pain.

  37. I have just finished 2 months ago from my partner ot 15 years. I too done everything for him. I am 55 he is 52. I put aside my family to be with him. He never really got involved with my children. We never lived together something he wanted but wasnt putting anything into it, as i own my own house. Over the years we did argue and often would say he didn’t want to see me but we would get back mostly me going back to him. I tried to move on 3 years ago but he begged me to come back……..so i did. Then 2 years ago we split up and he meet a woman on the internet, lasted about 2 months she finished it with him. So good old me he said he was sorry. So we went back together but has been very rocky. So about 2 months ago he decides he doesn’t love me anymore and has gone back on internet dating. Said he wants to find someone who cares for him.Omg if you knew what i had done for that man. So here i am heart broken. I truley loved him but feel he didn’t love me back. Will he find what he is looking for ? Really hurts to know now he is turning to other women. So want to stop crying.

  38. My partner broke up with me and I didn’t even know. I didn’t get a text, phone call or in person just totally removed himself from me. That’s what hurts me the most to think I was nothing… My belly hurt, I had huge anxiety attacks sleepless nights, lost of appetite and fatigue. Walking does help, writing down your feelings help as well. The key thing for me is getting those anger and emotions out of your system so you can function better. It can take a while depending on how well you handle it.

  39. I had been with my bf for 3 years. I am 2 years elder than him. We didn’t tell our parents about our relationship. Somehow, our parents get to know about it. He told me that his parents didn’t approve our relationship. I did suggested breaking up few months back because looking at him got stressed up by his parents. But finally we didn’t break. After awhile, he told me that he didn’t have much feelings for me. So, he suggested break up. I beg him to drag till next month. Since the my first time I suggested break up, my heart hurts like a lot. I cried and cried till now I am still hurting a lot. I don’t even have the appetite to eat. I throw up few times. I kinda know my condition because I did a little research about it. He was my 1st love and my life was revolving around him. Breaking up with him is like throwing away a part of my life which really cause lots of pain.

  40. A woman I’ve been chasing since 2005 is now out of my life. We have a long complicated history filled with ups and downs. We met in college, dated, broke up, dated again…broke up….and dated for a 3rd time (gosh that sounds ridiculous now). The first time lasted 1 year and a half, the 2nd lasted a few weeks, and the 3rd time lasted almost 3 years.

    It was better for a while, we had grown up a bit since we met in college, and things were nice (3rd time is the charm?). However, the past year grew increasingly toxic…I don’t know why we didn’t see we weren’t compatible sooner, I guess we kept thinking “this time, it will be different–it will be better.”

    We’re both very passionate determined people, so that certainly contributed to us not giving up on each other for so long. When it became clear that it definitely wasn’t going to work ever (and I’m sorry it took me so long to see it), we broke up.

    I initiated it (I’ve never been the one to do so before), but it was mutual. I guess, I’ve loved her for a long time and seeing that we’re not right for each other, I hope she’s happy. However, to be honest, despite all the highs of the years spent together and her occasional kindness…she could be quite cold and mean.

    I’m not saying I’m perfect but, I’m not sure she ever really cared about me the same way I feel about her and that’s quite painful to bear. She told me after we broke up that she’s not sure she wants to be my friend, because she doesn’t get anything out of it….that because she has other friends with similar interests who are smarter than I am, she doesn’t need me.

    I don’t know if she really means that, or if she is saying it out of pain or anger, but it definitely stung. I’m giving her space, not contacting her, and I hope the best for her…but, those last words are still haunting me a bit.

    Why would I want to be friends with someone who would say something so….self-centered and cold (what does she think friendship is?!)? It would be irrational to pursue that, but my feelings are not necessarily rational….and they hurt all the same.

    I’m scared now and I feel that “gap” as described in this article…I’m not new to this, but…I’m still frightened and lonely all the same. I’m 27, I have a BA in theater from college, a 3.95 gpa from APU business school (online), and I have a decent job as an assistant manager at my folks’ pharmacy (our whole family works there).

    I’m at a point in my life where I’m looking to move and find a new job….but now that I’m without her….the task feels 10x as daunting–will I find a new job? will I find someone else? Will I like the new place I move to? ….so many questions….I don’t know…I probably do sound pretty stupid….venting on some random internet site….all the same…I know this will pass (for me and for everyone who comes here). The best thing I can do is grit my teeth and move forward, but darn it, it’s difficult as heck.

  41. Can I ask this… we just broke up after 3 years… I’m in a lot of pain of which I see is very normal….so how could he already be out with someone new but yet he tells me he will never love anyone again like he did me…I was his best friend and soul mate… he tells me he will always love me and miss me…why, why, why? What should I do? Having a hard time dealing :(

  42. After 11 months we have broken up. I sensed that she was seeing someone else and that feeling became the answer to the question. I hurt so much, can’t take this constant depression, anxiety, feeling lonely. The one woman I thought would never ever do that; well, lesson learned. My PTSD symptoms have doubled and I am back in therapy; VA is concerned that I may hurt myself. I can’t get these images of her doing what we did but now she is doing them with someone else. I hurt…I really really hurt.

  43. Was my fault why we broke up! I’ve accepted that. My girlfriend of 4mths had our fights that we’re discouraging. We broke up twice and got back together. I started to meet other women because I felt we were going nowhere. One day I had a friend over and my phone failed her number and heard me talking to my friend. This caused our break up. I’ve never physically abused her, attacked her family or had sex with anyone, but we broke up because of trust. About 10 days before New Years we began to talk, she came over for New Years and spent the night, of course we made love. Now I’m fighting the battle to restore our relationship. I’m lost and don’t know where it’s going. We’ve gone out to lunch and she hugged me just to let me go. She would lean on me and we’d laugh. She told me I have made her very cold. I asked her did it bother her to be so cold to me and she said yes. I don’t know what to do as I’m fighting a lot of sadness. She goes long period without communicating and when she does it’s short words. I know she cares a lot but I’m afraid I’m not doing enough to win her back. What should I do, cut communication? I’ve pour myself out to her many times and apologized. To out of know where get a text from her. I don’t know what to do,,,,,,HELP!

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